Category Archives: The Stories.

195. Liver ‘n’ Let Die.

I am stood in the office kitchenette, staring at a slowly boiling kettle. I am hung over again. I’ve tried cutting back on my drinking lately, but the overwhelming horror of the mundane has sent me hurrying back to the … Continue reading

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Sound Guys & Sticky Carpets

The podcast is here! Follow the link below to download and listen to our first podcast, and find out what the Hell this picture is about. Hope you like it. SOUND GUYS & STICKY CARPETS

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THE dysFUNCTION ROOM PODCAST

We can’t all get down the pub, can we? There’s always something that gets in the way – work, family, an inconvenient criminal conviction for dog-bothering. So what’s the alternative? Well, this weekend I’m starting a podcast with my mates, … Continue reading

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194. The Gear Hunter

It is midday and I want a cigarette. I don’t smoke cigarettes. I might have mentioned it before, how I sometimes crave things I’ve not had in a long time, things like Walker’s Spicy Tomato flavour Snaps, Ice Pops, anal … Continue reading

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193. Could be Worse.

Past a machine and another machine, one spitting letters into a hopper, the other choked with chewed up paper and hissing like a feral beast. Past the gaping lockers filled with tea bags and stained mugs and coffee rings, socks … Continue reading

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192. Squiggles.

I’m staring out of the window, looking at the trees. Whoever designed the factory all those years ago decided that trees would soften the impact of this great, rumbling, shuddering blot on the landscape, so we have trees. I’ll admit … Continue reading

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191. The Wortley Poisoner

They sit shoulder to shoulder in the Ford Fiesta police car, sipping cold coffee, staring through a windscreen that is slowly turning opaque from the settling dust that blows across the fence from the adjacent quarry. The sergeant grunts, “Turn … Continue reading

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