I used to work with a plate maker called Weasel.
He was really strange.
He lived in Leeds but had a fetish for York, for some reason.
He used to have the York papers saved for him at WH Smiths in Leeds station, and he’d go collect them on a Friday.
When York City Football team were in financial trouble he gave them £3000.
He’s on ordinary Yorkshire wages, but gave his team £3000.
After that, they let him go to away games on the team bus.
I’m not lying.
Anyway, I’d decided to go for a day trip to York on the coming weekend, so I mentioned it to Weasel.
‘I’m up your neck of the woods on Saturday, Weasel!”
Yes, me and my girlfriend are off to York!”
“Do you like sausages?”
“I said, do you like sausages?”
“Err…. I suppose so, yes.”
“Right! I’ll tell you where there’s a great butcher in York. His sausages are ace.”
“Well.. we’re not really going shopping for meat…”
“Whatever. Do you know Smith Street?”
Not really Weasel. I don’t know York.”
“Ok. Well, you know opposite Wellington Lane? The Black Swan on Wellington Lane?”
“Erm, no, I don’t really…”
“ok, ok. Well, you know the Shambles?
“Good! Opposite there is Peach Street, well you go along there, take the third left next to the undertakers, keep going to the end…”
“I’m not really sure..”
“AT THE END you take a right, past The Victoria pub, the one that’s just re-opened, and just down there, next to grocers, you’ll find the butchers. Best sausages in York.”
“Well, thanks Weasel. Thanks.”
“Are you going to get some sausages then?”
“Yeah, I suppose…”
We had a top time in York, saw all the good stuff, went to the Jorvik museum, had a pub lunch, loads of beers, saw the Minster, went down the Shambles, the lot.
Really good time.
Next Monday, I’m walking through the platemaking department.
“Hi Weasel. How you doing?”
“Never mind. Did you get to York on Saturday?”
“Yes! It was great! We went to the Jorvik museum, saw the Shambles, had a great pub lunch…”
“Yeah, yeah yeah. Did you get any sausages?”
“Well, no… I..”
“Fuck you, FUCK YOU!! For fuck’s sake, just FUCK OFF, LUCIFER!! I don’t know why I fucking bother, you fucker…”
“Ok. Bye then.”