47. Amateur Photographer


Marvin is horrible man, universally loathed.
He’s a supervisor, and somehow he’s managed to maintain a Noel Edmonds hair-do for the twenty years I’ve had the displeasure of knowing him.
No beard.
Just the do.
He used to be an amateur D,J., but it didn’t work out.
I don’t think he ever recovered.
He came into the studio with a smarmy grin, and talked Soulless Boss into getting one of his lackeys (me) to enlarge some pictures for him. He came across to me.
“Hi! Lucifer! How are you doing?”
“Hello Marvin.”
“Soulless Boss just said you’d do me a little favour!”
“Did he? That’s very nice of him.”
“Yes! It was my daughter’s prom night last week, and I’ve got the photos back. Some aren’t as good as I’d hoped, so I wonder if you could do a bit of work on them for me.”
He handed me a disk.
“You should have seen it, Lucifer! All the girls left for the prom from my house, and I hired one of those pink stretch limos!”
“That’s very classy, Marvin.”
“Oh the girls loved it! The limo was so big, I couldn’t fit it all in one picture! I’m hoping you can stitch two pictures together. Can you do that?”
“Don’t know. Have to see.”
I loaded the disk.
There were about thirty pictures.
She was dead centre, perfect teeth, hazel eyes, dark flowing hair, slender, elfin figure. Stunning.
In each picture she looked better than the next, and I felt a little guilty perving over a bloke’s daughter, even if the bloke was scummy.
I found the two pictures he wanted joining. The girl appeared on both snaps – she was at the point where the pictures overlapped.
“Marvin, which of these pictures do you want me to cut off? I don’t want to cut your daughter in half; she’s posing slightly different in each shot. Which do you want to keep?”
He looks over my shoulder.
“Oh, that’s not my daughter.”
She’s the only girl to appear in EVERY shot. She’s in the centre of EVERY shot.
“O…K… Which one’s your daughter, Marvin?”
“That’s her – on the end.”
I didn’t need to worry about cutting his daughter’s face off the picture. He had already done it.
In fact, she appeared on about ten of thirty pictures.
She was never in the middle.
She was rarely in focus.
He’d cut her off in some of the pictures.
The brunette was the star.
“These are nice pictures Marvin. Really nice.”
“Aren’t they just? It was a fantastic day! They grow up so fast, don’t they?”
He was staring right at the brunette when he said this.

I didn’t do his pictures.
I let him keep asking until he got the message.
I don’t believe in creating porn for people if it might include their own daughter’s blurred face.
I’m a man of principal.

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2 Responses to 47. Amateur Photographer

  1. El Dongito says:

    I’ve just thrown up on my Lap top!

    Good work, the sad thing is I know there’s more than an element of truth in this…

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