25. A big fat one


“Didn’t think much to the airline, Lucifer…”
“What are you on about, Scorcher? What airline?”
“I’ve been away. On holiday. Didn’t you miss me?”
“No. Not really. Where did you go?”
“Nashville, Tennessee. It were great. Didn’t think much to the airline out there, though.”
“Why?”
“Well, they came round with the trolley, and they asked me what drink I wanted. I asked for Tetley’s bitter. Guess what?”
“What.”
“They didn’t have none. Can you believe it?”
“I can, actually. They’re only going to stock certain drinks, Scorcher. They can’t possibly cater to everyone. How many people would actually ask for Tetley’s bitter on a flight to Nashville?”
“I did.”
“You’re probably the only person in about ten years.”
“Hmm. Anyway, Nashville were great. I went to the Grand Ole Opry. Fantastic place. Always wanted to go there.”
“Nice. Who did you go see?”
“Fats Domino was playing. He were brilliant. A proper legend. He’s getting on a bit, so he takes a break between sets. Suited me, cos I were gasping for a pint. I went to the bar, and guess what? They only had Tetley’s on, didn’t they?”
“They served pints of Tetley’s at the Grand Ole Opry?”
“Aye! Not a bad pint either. Well I gulped it down, smacking my lips and sighing. it really hit the spot, you know. A feller next to me asked me what I were drinking that tasted so good, so I told him. Tetley’s. He says he’d never heard of it, so I bought him a pint, just so he could try the best drink in the world. I hadn’t looked up from my pint, I were enjoying it so much, but I saw this big handful of fat black fingers reach for the glass the bar man put down. It were only Fats Domino himself, weren’t it!”
“Really.”
“Yes! Really! Couldn’t believe it! We got chatting, and you know he’s a really nice bloke. Right down to earth. I told him I was a bit of a musician myself, what with my guitar playing and that.”
“You play guitar?”
“Yeah! Didn’t you know?”
“No, Scorcher. I didn’t.”
“Well I do. We were talking about music, and Fats were loving his ale. We really hit it off. Anyway, Fats stands up and says, ‘Scorcher, you’d better not be drinking too many of those there Teley’s, man!’ and I says, ‘Why not, Fats?’ and he says, ‘Because you are playin’ the final set with me, up on stage!’ Next thing you know, I were up there, center stage, playing guitar for Fats Domino at the Grand Ole Opry. It really made my holiday, that did.”
“I imagine it did, Scorcher.”
“Yeah, Lucifer. It really did. The flight home were better too.”
“Why’s that?”
“Well, we were cruising at ten thousand feet, and the stewardess comes round with drinks. She recognizes me. ‘Mr Scorcher?’ She says. I say, ‘Aye, love?’ She reaches under the trolley, and you know what she’s got?”
“I can guess, but go on.”
“Four tins of Tetley’s. Those yanks know how to treat you. They really do.”

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2 Responses to 25. A big fat one

  1. Pingback: Reprographics... - Page 7 - London Fixed-gear and Single-speed

  2. smithchild says:

    …… what, no websters?

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